By Joshua Troncosa
Poetry is a controversial word, as it should be. Poetry is meant to excite, entice, repulse, and most importantly Poetry makes people think and feel what the writer or performer wants them to. In this way poets are people who have taken one of the most sacred tools, language, that humans spent aeons developing, and used it against systems that use words to confuse and enslave. It is the art of taking terrible truths and presenting them in a new way. In that way poetry makes us eat the hard lessons that are hidden inside, face that we may not want to address, or share that with others and grow from our experience. Like any art form Poetry takes a couple things to produce; a hard will coupled with a soft soul, strong words from a cool mind, the meeting of opposing sides can compose great works. The building blocks of a great soul formed together and driven to help others find that strength within themselves. The key point most people seem to miss, and that we as patients need a little reinforcement in sometimes, is one of the biggest P’s a personality can develop, Persistence. This the story about someone who lives with persistence and poetry everyday and deals with the trials of being a patient while never forgetting a key lesson. We can still have fun while being honest to ourselves as we go through the depths of life.
Manuel Gonzalez, grew up in and around Albuquerque and has seen the broad spectrum of colors the land and sky present. “The good and the bad,” he says, “give us contrast and clarity to the situations we’re in and help build our characters and spirits.” Manuel is a man who in spite of the harsh backdrop of growing up in ‘Burque grew to become a champion fighting to help everyday folk, youths and elders alike, gain a hold on their own and hearts and voices , and thus their futures. I was grateful to have the opportunity to have a few great meetings with Manuel and get some of his insights into poetry, politics, and of course, a little bit on pot. Seeking to break down the barriers that separate those who understand cannabis from others who don’t, Manuel was candid in expressing some deep and poignant points about cannabis in our culture and how he thinks we can come together over the torch to get through even the hardest of situations.
Joshua: Can you tell me a little about your background with poetry in general, poetry slam in ABQ and how you got into all this? What drives you in your art form and keeps you going? Manuel: “I started writing when I was young. I had dreams of being a rapper. Not like real legitimate dreams, but you know, me and my friends used to like to rhyme and beat-box and stuff like that. I was always looking for something like that in that way and it wasn’t until I went to a poetry slam did I find it. At a poetry slam I saw people get up and speak about life and talk about real things and authentic stuff and really go to places that maybe rappers were afraid to go to. I had never really experienced somebody get up on the stage and expose their soul for you to see and feel and it be real in that way. So when I first saw it I was like ‘Wow, this is what I want to do.’” Joshua: “Tell me about when you first got into poetry slam, what challenges did you face and how did you overcome them?” Manuel: “So I started going to the poetry slams and performing. I started out losing and it was really hard for me at first. I held my papers in front of my face to hide behind. My hands would shake and I would be scared, but you know, I kept going and I never gave up I got better and better. Eventually I started to win and I represented Albuquerque four times on the Albuquerque poetry slam team then I became the Poet Laureate, but it all started with me standing there, scared, shaking with the paper. It was more about me getting out what I had written. Forcing myself to share it in that that way, at Poetry Slam. This was more than 20 years ago but as I am getting older now I’m realizing that it’s cathartic to write poetry. It helps you heal, to express yourself in that way, and when you’re on stage, regardless of how scared you are, it helps other people get the permission to express themselves as well. That’s where the full cycle comes circle to a close, in the performance of poetry, but that’s on the surface.” Joshua: “What keeps you coming back to performance poetry and how do you use that in helping others learn poetry for themselves?” “Every once in a while, and it happens whether I’m in the audience or I am the one performing, when time almost stops and when what you are saying is directly connecting to each and every person in the audience and they feel you, or you are in the audience and it feels like that poet is just talking to you. Like they knew to bring the exact poem with exactly what you needed to hear at that exact time and it really affects you in that way. Those moments happen few and far between but when it happens it’s real. Those are the ‘Golden Moments’ and its amazing! They happen now and then at poetry readings and things, but I found when I do it in high schools or detention centers or any place like that, those ‘golden moments” happen very often. Most of the time 17 year-olds have never been exposed to poetry. I mean they’ve heard hip hop, but they’ve never had anyone dig deep and squeeze those heart strings like that. So I get to be the person to introduce them to an art form that they never knew existed in that way. I mean they know Dr. Seuss and Shakespeare, but they’ve never heard someone really talk about what’s going on, on the inside, and then hand them a pen and tell them they can do it too. It’s a pleasure to teach them how to use it and do it.” Joshua: “What does poetry mean to you and how do you use to help people change their perspectives on life?” Manuel: “My definition of poetry is real broad. It’s not anything high brow or academic. Some people paint portraits and some people make finger paintings, while some people write epic poetry and some people write haiku but its all art in that way and Poetry is just using words as your medium whatever you do with them. I tell kids there is no real trick to poetry other than allowing yourself be real. You have to allow yourself to be authentic in those moments and that can be scary, that’s where it is hard, because you feel it and you have to feel it. That’s why I like to go to places like the detention centers and schools on the wrong side of town because they need me and they have things built up that they need to release until we all cry and it feels good. Sometimes in schools there will be a kid who really gets into the feel of things and starts to cry and instead of anyone clowning or giving him a hard time the kids pull together and spontaneously support one another. What I do is very rewarding because I’m always in a new school or class and get the chance to show someone new and get that response all over again. I know if a kid is resisting, not to take it personal and to understand that they have something going on and need to be heard. We’re all humans and we all have these feelings and sometimes people are very lonely and they feel they are the only one who feels that way sometimes. Here in America there are not a lot of places where it’s safe for a man to show his emotions or feelings and still be masculine and for it not be looked at like a weakness. Poetry is one of the places where you can show rage and compassion and everything in between and be who you are and to not feel diminished in any way.” Joshua: “So in a way you think of yourself less of as a teacher and more of someone who inspires others to write and produce art, right?” Manuel: “What I try to do is punch them, whoever they are, as hard as I can in the Chakras and then give them a pen to express themselves. It’s taken me a long time to find the poems I use to make us all want to cry or feel and make them want to look within themselves and be authentic in that moment and that’s all that really is.” Joshua: “How can poetry be used to help people who have encountered severe trauma or hard life events?” Manuel: “Poetry can get into that space where you can let down your defenses and allow yourself to be real with your pen. I get into the classrooms under the guise of poetry and literacy, but what I want to do is give them a tool to cope. There isn’t a lot of coping skills taught in daily life, and people don’t know how to deal with life sometimes. I found something that helped me and I try to show as many people as I can. Sometimes corporations, such as Healthcare for the Homeless, pay me to go teach my writing programs where people need to express themselves or need to get things out. You can’t keep going every day to an emotionally charged job like that without an outlet of some kind. So I teach people how to sculpt with words.” Joshua: “What’s your favorite part of doing the work you do in the community through poetry?” Manuel: “My favorite part of my workshop is at the end when we share. It’s not about me or my poetry. It’s about that moment where they figured out how to use their pen and you see amazing things when that happens. It is pretty cool if I get to spend a month there – the introspective, quiet kids become the most popular kids just because they stand up in front of their classes and read something that touched everyone’s heart and now everyone wants to talk to them. In that way it changed the dynamic of those schools. Putting things to a new normal in a way.” Joshua: “How is poetry useful for patients or people of trauma who aren’t sure how poetry can be effective in the struggles that they deal with?” Manuel: “These emotions are universal and to know them is what it means to be human. All of us find our humanity through different paths. Some of us go through our culture, others through art, or family. There are so many different ways but we all have to walk our own paths. It’s not easy and can be a painful and scary path to walk alone. If you haven’t had an easy coming up or someone to show you how it goes it can feel even more lonely. Poetry is a way for your subconscious to speak to you. With poetry being cryptic and metaphoric, in its’ way poetry can help you to figure yourself out. One thing we deal with in my latest project at the YDD C is ‘Don’t judge yourself by the mistakes that you made when you were younger.’ We all make mistakes. If you find yourself making the same mistakes over and over again you have to figure out why. Some people pay thousands of dollars to go see a psychiatrist to figure out why. Some of us use the pen and paper and we figure it out this way. We write about real things and get authentic. Especially these young men they are so guarded and keep their defenses up all the time and that’s not who they really are. Some of them are just waiting for someone to hand them something to give them permission to express themselves. It takes a lot of work sometimes but when you talk with your pen instead of your mouth people get a little more real then something from a conversation. It helps them better direct their thoughts.” Joshua: “What challenges do you encounter in teaching your students to use poetry as a method of self-expression?” Manuel: “When I first started doing this I was like ‘Hey everyone let’s do some poetry its cool!” and they were down, but I got a lot of poetry about drugs and gangs and violence. These are kids in jail – we want to get them away from that and instead into the problems they are actually dealing with. It’s okay for the first few runs for them to learn how to wander poetry around like a child in a new place, but soon they learn how to express what’s really going on inside themselves and get to the root of the problems they are dealing with and that’s where the magic happens.” Joshua: “What are some of the upcoming projects you have going on?” Manuel: “My daughter is starting a new reading group. It’s called WOC, Women of Color. We are also working on a new organization called Burque Revolt. I also have been working with Unlocked Minds at YDD C with the incarcerated populations, helping them see inside themselves and help them express themselves in positive ways and be able to speak freely instead of act destructively. I show them they can get emotions and feelings out AND grow from that process. A lot of them come from fatherless homes and lack a positive masculine influence. So we go through what it means to be a man and what responsibility is. When I’m not in the detentions centers I’m in local high and middle schools helping coach local youths. I do a free writing workshop called Low Writing At El Chante del Cultural the 1st and 3rd Tuesday of every month. We get together, write, and share what we wrote. We laugh and cry together and we rage against injustice and express our emotions in a safe, inviting space. We’re here to help whoever comes in with note taking, poetry writing, performance; whatever you need help doing we have some great people that work with us.” Joshua: “Now on to a little cannabis talk. Tell me about how you first got into cannabis and how do you use it in your daily life?” Manuel: “I was brought up by my mother and my sisters and I remember asking my older sister ‘Hey what’s that?’ and she was like, ‘That’s my air freshener leave it alone!’ and I believed her because it made the air smell good and fresh. So I grew up around it but my mother was very against cannabis. She was one of those people who was like ‘If you smoke weed you’re going to ruin your life’ and that will be the ‘end of you.’ That whole nonsense, so it was always something I really hid from my family. Then as I got older and I went to college I experimented with psychedelics a bit, but I was always a daily pot smoker from when I was around 16. In my early twenties, a couple times, I experimented with some hard drugs like cocaine or meth, but I like to sleep and I like to eat and neither of those things help me do either of those things so I instinctively decided to keep away from all of it. It’s been over 20 years since I did any of that but yeah Cannabis helped me on some real levels in the years I’ve used it. I’ve seen it help with introspection on my own personal issues and memories. I’ve also seen it help other people near to me be able to function and maintain healthy, helpful, and productive lives. Cannabis doesn’t give that effect out like pharmaceuticals or hard drugs. Cannabis is unique to itself in it helps people’s bodies and minds at the same time and then it helps draw groups together. It’s remarkable.” Joshua: “How have you seen cannabis affects social groups or people with anxiety in a social situation or setting?” Manuel: “With me and all my friends, it was half joking but half real, we would say as soon as we pulled out the pipe, all of us; ‘As we pass this pipe there will be no lies between us,’ and that’s how we started all of our sessions, our little mantra to begin smoking. So I always used it in a ritual way like that. As I became a man I found things from my childhood coming up. These were things that I had avoided dealing with my whole life. Some of it was childhood trauma, and some of it was ancestral trauma. Healing begins with Introspection. It happens within yourself and it starts with figuring out what hurts and why. Herb is a good way to get your mindset to look inside and that’s where the healing from all these things begin. Sometimes its healing from our past, sometimes its healing from ancestral trauma, things that happened before you were even born. It’s like a portable campfire you can instantly make a safe place in, no matter where you are at.” Joshua: “Do you think smoking cannabis makes people more introspective? Or do you think more it’s just introspective people who tend to smoke weed?” Manuel: “I don’t know if those of us who smoke were already of that mindset and that’s why we were attracted to it. In my case it encouraged me to be more open minded and receptive to new information, ideas, and philosophies and look at the world in a beautiful way. It has helped me to see my humanity and the humanity in others.” Joshua: “Your pretty new to the NMMCP correct? How does it feel to go into one of the shops and walk up to a consultant and get your medicine?” Manuel: “It is taking a good bit of adjusting to get used to it. I’ve only had my card about 2 months now. It’s very different then back in the day when you had to meet up with someone all sketchy with the cops all looking out for you. All the people at the shops are knowledgeable and helpful but I’m still absorbing information and learning and trying to make sense of it all. For now, I’m grateful I have such helpful people to guide me through the process as I learn about this new way. It’s a very different experience then how it used to be but I’m glad we have these resources available to us as patients.” Joshua: “Do you think cannabis is a medicinal substance or do you think it’s only a recreational substance?” Manuel: “I agree 100% it is medicine. What sets it apart is cannabis is one the few medicines where it helps you have fun and recreate by its very nature. It helps to lighten up situations and help people lower their walls a bit so they can be more receptive. It kind of allows us to all come together on a more real and deeper level because it allows us to relax. It gets people in the moment and gathered, strangers or old friends and everyone can be in that moment and enjoy each other’s presence. It’s a medicine for your soul when you are by yourself and when you are around others it helps with the soul of the group mind. Like a little campfire we can all gather around just about anywhere.” Joshua: “What’s the most interesting thing you’ve experienced in cannabis culture as you’ve gotten older?” Manuel: “I think what’s cool is as I’ve gotten older I’ve been able to go around and see that other families are just like mine. When all the gatherings take place, everyone sits for dinner, then afterwards the early 20’s kids all sneak off for a few minutes and all come back with big ole smiling faces and it just kinda happens. It doesn’t matter if its a funeral, a birthday, Christmas, or whatever, it’s all the same and to see the same behavior and attitude with everyone is wild. Now, being able to talk openly about cannabis and seeing that cannabis is a part of everyone’s daily lives, is one of the best things. I use it in my heart and my art but the same medicine helps people’s grandmas not be in pain. It’s a wild ride and I’m excited to see what will come in the future.” Joshua: “Manuel Thank you very much for your time and your story is there anything else you want to let people know?” Manuel: “First and foremost, I want to let people know that regardless of how broken or hopeless we sometimes feel there is a path to healing. I found my path in poetry, and I want to share this healing with as many people as possible. You are not alone. Tell your story. Being honest with yourself is where healing begins. And what is beautiful about healing is that once we clear our heart of all the cobwebs and scabs we can then begin to appreciate all the wonder, magic, and beauty all around us at all times. Art does that. Write, look within yourself and put into words what you see there. Look around you and use words to describe the world and its’ tragic beauty or awe inspiring brilliance. Write about family and society, or even just describe a sunset. Writing is in my opinion a healing activity. We all have the ability to heal, and after we heal we can then be amazed by the magic all around us.” “The second thing I’d like to say is that our young people need guidance and direction. There’s young people in detention, in foster care, in treatment centers, and all around us. They need an ear to listen and an outlet for their fears and frustration. They need someone to counterbalance all the negativity, misogyny, and violence that comes at them from every direction. If it’s left to linger it will fester into a wound on their hearts, sometimes that wound doesn’t hurt until they get older. Volunteer, mentor, or even just ask questions and actually listen to a young person talk. They need us. Even if they don’t know it. Poetry is a way to heal. It’s a way to look inside ourselves and process what we see there. Poetry is a historian, taking snapshots of a moment of authenticity. It shows us what we really see within ourselves. Fearlessly looking into the mirror and exposing the parts of ourselves that hurt. Poetry helps us see the beauty and humanity within each other. We share struggles and in showing each other our scars we can see ourselves reflected in the eyes of those around us. At a comedy show the comedian is trying to make us laugh. At a poetry reading, the poet has an infinite amount of emotions at their disposal to make us feel. Sometimes it’s ironic or funny. Sometimes it’s painful and tragic, but it always makes us feel something.” Manuel Gonzalez has been, and will continue to be an avid, active force in our community for years to come. His powerful, profound poetry coupled with a calm, cool demeanor makes Manuel one of the most dynamic personalities someone could have the good fortune to encounter. He has a way to make everyone around him feel comfortable and he always has a good word, a kind gesture, a hearty laugh, or a deep thought to share. Look for Manuel Gonzales on Facebook and most importantly at your local poetry events and stay tuned to Kurple Magazine as Manuel and other local poets begin working together to bring you excellent cannabis and culture related poetry events. If there is one thing I can say I took away from my time with Manuel, it was that though love may overcome all without a voice to speak and share the experience of love is just a thought. However, when thought becomes action and we experience it together, through poetry or another medium, we become the Art. We as artists can transcend our own experience and better connect and ground ourselves to the human experience and all its components, pieces, and phases. Life may be but a stage and we all may be only players, but Manuel has taught me that if nothing else we can write our own lines if we only permit ourselves the courage to do so and in that way change our role and take control of our own destiny.
